A Stint in Rehab
by rocketman182
Summary: When the Vocaloid's character item obession gets a little... out of hand, there's only one way to go. *Contains most, if not all, vocaloids, genderbends, some UTAUs, etc.*
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! Rocketman182 here with the beginning of a new, medium length undertaking. I know its been a while since I've updated, well, any of my stuff, but life has been extremely busy. Between school, college stuff, my girlfriend, work, etc., i have barely had any time to write! I'll be updating Teal is or Color soon, so do not worry my faithful fans! Anyways, enough of me groveling for your forgiveness, enjoy the story!**

**Disclaimer: Do i always have to do these...?**

**Rin: I could do it!**

**Rocketman182: Alright, if it saves me the trouble.**

**Rin: The author of this crappy story doesn't own the Vocaloids or any affiliated companies.**

**Rocketman182: Why did i let you do that...?**

**Rin: Cuz I'm cute?**

.

.

.

A Stint in Rehab

Chapter 1: Boredom

.

It had been a slow day. A VERY slow day. The Vocaloids, a large group of well-paid music artists, had filled their mansion to capacity with the aura of despair.

The Vocaloids, as they came to be known through the crucible of pop-media, owed their quick rise to fame from the huge outcry of support toward their first few songs that were posted on popular websites such as NND and Youtube. However, one of the more interesting things these individuals share besides great singing talent, was their obsession with a particular object, a "character item"...

Miku, the most well-known of the group, sat in the parlor of the huge Vocaloid mansion. She was steadily drumming her fingers on the table she sat at while resting her head in her other hand. Everyone else around her seemed to be in a similar state of crippling boredom.

She was nearing her breaking point. Every moment she spent in that place drove her a little closer to the edge.

"Alright, that's it! I can't take this anymore! I'm going insane!"

There it was, she snapped.

Miku shot up from her chair, knocking it over. "I need a leek, dammit." she walked over to the refrigerator quickly, nearly tearing the handle off as she whipped the door open. As she searched through the rather empty refrigerator, she realized the horrible truth; no leeks. Her eye began twitching involuntarily.

"Alright, someone give me ten bucks so i can go buy some leeks. Now."

Luka, one of the older Vocaloids (and one of the few people on earth who could truly make pink hair look good), reached into her pocket, mainly because people always came to her for money for some reason, and she knew what, and who, Miku was getting at. Unfortunately her wallet was empty.

"Sorry Miku, but it looks like you're out of luck."

"Damn, damn, DAMN!" Miku wasn't usually like this. More often than not, she would have an almost infectiously happy air sbout her. Today was different, however.

Miku stood up on a chair and prepared to address the whole of the Vocaloid group. It was a very large crowd, but they were all unusually quiet as the tealette began to speak.

"Alright people, listen up!" she began, as if the people below her had anything better to do. "This place is boring the piss outta me! Let's do something fun!"

Whener Miku used the phrase "Let's do something fun!" the following 24 hours usually wrought destruction on a galactic scale throughout the mansion.

The Kagamine twins, some of the youngest and most hyperactive members of Vocaloid, rocketed up in support. They hadn't had an opportunity to test out their new road roller yet...

Just then, Meiko, the first Japanese member of Vocaloid and the generally accepted head of the household, came into the room. She was carrying a large crate, and had a dull, glazed look on her face. It looked as though she was extremely drunk.

"Heeey there guysh, I gotsum shtuff for ya..." she set the crate down, and promptly passed out next to it.

Lily, a blonde Vocaloid about the same age as Luka (but a lot less reserved), walked over to the crafe and without a word, ripped off the top. Inside were almost 40 bottles of high proof sake.

Lily just looked at the rice wine with awe, muttering something along the lines of "Oh, thank you God, thank you..."

"Alright, hand me a bottle. If I'm gonna be stuck in this hellhole, I'd rather be shitfaced." It was Neru Akita, the resident tsundere and (secretly) Len's number one fangirl.

"You're 17, I'm not giving you alcohol. That and you don't exactly have a crystal clear track record." Lily protested, in one of her rare moments of responsibility.

Mikuo, Miku's boyfriend who for some reason shared her surname, chimed in. "Well, even though my music career is JUST taking off, and I know this is probably going to screw things up, I'm gonna go ahead and grab a bottle. Hey Miku, you want in on this?"

Miku nodded her head. Of course this was a bad idea! But, then again, wasn't that the whole point?

THE NEXT MORNING

Miku slowly opened her eyes. She had a splitting headache and absolutely no idea where she was. She slowly sat up, and realized she was in some kind of holding cell. Mikuo and Kaito were there with her.

"Ugh, wha... what the hell happened last night? And why are we in jail!" Miku was getting worried.

A police officer strode by. "Well, good news is you didn't do anything that's likely to land you in long term jail. The bad news is that you're stuck here until everything checks out."

"What happened?" Miku asked.

"Well, you and you two drunk blue companions over here stumbled into a local grocery store and-" he was cut off by a ringing telephone.

This was going to be a very bad day.

THE NEXT DAY

"...This was the LAST straw, people! These latest PR disasters are costing thousands! Now listen, i thought at first using everyone's favorite 'item' would make a good selling point, but now it's gotten so far out of hand I don't even know what to say." The Vocaloid's top producer was fuming. The recent string of public disasters involving the Vocaloids had led to yet another string of lawsuits.

Miku was the first to speak up in response. "Well come on, you don't have to be so harsh..."

"Miku, you had a craving for leeks so you shoplifted a grocery store out of _sixty pounds_of them." The manager retorted. "So, in light of these new fuck-ups, I have made the executive decision to send each and every one of you to a rehab clinic."

Everyone just stared at him for a moment. Even the usually calm and collected Luka Megurine was in a speechless state of shock. No one spoke for a long time.

Suddenly, little Yuki Kaai decided she had something to say.

"...You fucking asshole."

"AGREED." The rest joined in.

Kaito spoke up above the others. "You can't make us go! Rehab is voluntary!"

"Well Kaito, you're right. _I_can't..." He fished around in his pocket a bit before pulling out a small piece of paper. "But the courts can."

He passed around the sheet of paper. It was a court order requiring every single Vocaloid and a number of Utaloids (a similar program to the Vocaloids but not quite as successful) to attend a large "Unconventional Addiction Rehabilitation Clinic". However, there was one who wasn't on that list.

Hiyama Kiyoteru.

A sigh of relief came over the large group; Kiyoteru was one of the smartest of them overall. If anyone could get them out of this, it was him.

He looked around at everyone, obviously a bit nervous, but proudly declared "Don't worry everyone! I've got this!"

"Oh, there's another page; i seem to have left it out." The manager picked up a sheet he had dropped and passed it around. It had only one additional name, Hiyama Kiyoteru.

A collective "fuck" was shouted, and Kiyoteru just hung his head in shame.

"Alright, all of you go pack your things. One suitcase only."

"This is crap..." Rin said with plenty of audible disgust. "What's so wrong with liking oranges!"

Len, her twin, spoke up. "Well, you _are_ a bit excessive... I mean, you nearly stabbed me last time I tried to take one out of your stash..."

"well yeah! That was MY stash!"

"You're making my point, Rin…"

"Shut up." Rin spat back at her brother, obviously feeling a little vindictive.

It didn't take very long for everyone to pack. Shouts of frustration and protest could be heard throughout the mansion, however, and Miku had taken to singing Whitney Houston's Rehab song repeatedly.

"…_They wanted me to go to rehab, but I said, no, no ,no…"  
_  
This was going to be a living hell.

.

.

.

Thanks for reading everyone! I have lots of ideas for upcoming chapters, so i should be able to update soon. Please R&R! IT KEEPS MA CREATIVITY FLOWIN'!


	2. Chapter 2

*****REVISED CHAPTER*****

**Hi everyone! This chapter was originally extremely rushed, so here's the revised version. it doesn't change the story at all, but its more well-written and contains a few more laughs. enjoy!**

**.  
**

**.  
**

**.  
**

A stint in rehab Ch. 2

The bus ride to the rehab center, or "Hell on Earth" as the Vocaloids had already dubbed it, was a long 4 hours through alternating deep city and open farmland.

When they arrived at the building however, it did not look like you would expect. It looked more like...

"Is this an airport!?" someone shouted out.

"Very observant! Yes, we're at an airport. We couldn't find a decent rehab center in Japan far enough out of the way that would take the lot of you, so we had to outsource a little. Fortunately, there's a country out there with enough pop stars who have substance abuse issues to warrant a rehab center big enough for all of you." The head producer just smirked and pulled out a box of small books. "Brush up on your english, people, you're headed to America."

The entire bus fell silent. Whether it was the shock or building anger, no one could tell.

"Now, before anyone snaps, we're going there primarily because of your relatively lower popularity ratings there. Many people have never even heard of any of you. It's probably a good thing."

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Miku had to have her fans, they were her lifeblood. She had to open the fanmail, had to see their smiling faces, the paparazzi...

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO FUCKING WAY! GET ME OUT OF THIS BIG TIN CAN WITH WHEELS! I WONT GO!"

The producer just smirked for the millionth time. "Alright Miku, you don't have to go."

"Wait, seriously!?" She perked up immediately.

"Yep," he replied, "there's a nice jail cell waiting for you in downtown Sapporo. I'm sure there will be PLENTY of your fans in there..."

Miku paused for a minute. Was it better to be stuck for months without fans, or get violently raped by criminals? Despite Mikuo's best efforts, she was still a virgin; better to keep it that way for now, she thought.

"Fine, I'll go. But i just want you to know, you're a dickless monkey." Miku finally capitulated, but she vowed to make his life horrible after this. As she looked around, she saw others silently swearing similar oaths of vengance.

The private plane was already waiting for them. "Never thought I'd hate the sight of a private jet..." Miku thought to herself.

"Well, as much as this sucks, at least i still have my carrots and manga!" Gumi, another Vocaloid and Miku's best friend, tried to cheer herself up. It worked for a moment, but before long she was back to sulking like Everyone else.

The plane itself wasn't so bad once they boarded, but there was one flight attendant that really rubbed everyone the wrong way. She was one of those excessively happy people with an unusually high voice that liked her job a bit too much.

After being told about an hour into the flight that if she uttered just one more word she would be thrown wholesale into the jetwash, the attendant seemed to quiet down.

The Vocaloids finally arrived at their destination; LAX airport. From there, they were told, they would be driven to a secondary airport in Nevada. Then they would hop a smaller jet to New York, where their "clinic" was located.

Rin and Len decided to have a brief meeting before landing.

Rin spoke first, careful to keep quiet. "Listen, there is NO way we're going down without a fight. Initiate Sabre Protocol."

Len knew what that meant. A year ago, the two had collabarated on creating a plan of action if a situation ever called for extreme havoc. It was called, of course, Sabre Protocol.

"Alright, First chance we get, unleash hell." Rin said with determination flooding her voice.

"But we were stripped of our, uh, 'materials' before we got on the plane..." Len was a bit concerned at their supply situation.

"Ill take care of it. You just think." the grin on Rin's face would have struck fear into the very core of any mortal.

At the back of the plane, Dell Honne, resident asshole and daily chain smoker, was busy complaining about the current situation to his girlfriend Haku Yowane. Both were two of the lesser known Vocaloids and from the amount of complaining they did, everyone knew that.

"Seriously, this is fucking rediculous. They're spending all this money for what? Miku's leek addiction? I mean, the only people here with legit problems are Meiko and you, Haku." Dell was seriously pissed off; he never lashed out at Haku like that.

"Guys, please, let's just relax a little." It was Ted Kasane, Teto's older brother and a rare voice of reason among the Vocaloids and UTAUloids. "We'll be fine. Think about it, what's the worst that could happen? We get a month or two off from work and attend a few 'group seminars'. So what? Enjoy it!"

"I think someone here just made... Sense?" Miku was shocked. That NEVER happened.

Everyone seemed momentarily relieved. Ted, on the other hand, wasn't so sure. He had pulled that whole speech out of thin air. He had no idea if that would be the case or not.

Of course, everyone wanted it to over with as soon as possible regardless of how "fun" it was.

The head producer spoke up. "Also, once everyone has been situated, please, for the love of God, do NOT bother the other guests."

Miku scoffed, "More like inmates..."

"Prison rape."

Miku shut up immediately. There really wasnt anything she could do against a threat like that.

They all landed in New York after a long, exhausting flight. They had been moving nonstop for almost 24 hours and it was starting to catch up to them. Even the ever energetic twins, Rin and Len, were starting to collapse.

"Alright gang," the head producer said to the group as they left the airport, "we've rented out a motel for you all for the night. We head out tomorrow morning."

Gumi had had enough, and she snapped. "Forget that! We're exhausted! We need a freakin day to recouperate! Shit, its bad enough we've gotta go to some shithole rehab clinic for fucked up, coke-snorting american pop stars but you've got us running around the world like chickens with their heads cut off! Seriously! Im not staying in some backwards-ass american motel where i'll probably get raped!"

Everyone just turned their heads toward Gumi; some were shocked, but the overwhelming majority seemed rather supportive and sympathetic. It was good to know she had some allies in this, she thought.

Much to her dismay, however, the head producer did not share their plight. "Is that all, miss Gumi? I thought so. The bus to take you to your motel Is waiting outside. Luka, since maybe three of you know any english at all, im making you head translator."

Luka just looked around; sure she was fluent; she had spent a full four years studying art and music at Oxford in the UK, and she lived in Sacramento, California for another two years after that. She'd only been back in Japan for a year before this whole mess, but Luka just sighed and accepted her new lot in life.

"I... Do I have to?" Luka looked a little put off. She knew the answer that was coming, naturally.

Miku shot up in her seat, only to smack her head on one of the overhead storage racks. "Ow… anyways, I can speak English too!"

Luka just gave her an odd look; she knew Miku could, but whenever the poor tealette tried to speak English it sounded like someone had taken a cheese grater to the language.

"Miku, could you be our secondary translator for when Luka isn't available?" The head producer looked hopeful. He didn't notice the looks of distress and disapproval Luka was shooting him.

"I'd LOVE to! It'll give me something to do in my cell- I mean, my room at the prison- I mean, oh never mind…" Miku sat back down in her seat.

"Alright, well once we get there everyone grab your things and head right into the receiving center, it'll be on the left. And again, PLEASE for all that's good and pure in this world do NOT interfere with the other inmate- I mean, guests. Understood?" The head producer seemed pleading in his request. Naturally, the first thought that came to everyone's mind was that they had better create as much havoc as physically possible.

"And Luka, yes, you do have to translate. We're here at the motel by the way. Grab your overnight things and go to the front desk to find your rooms."

Meiko, previously unspoken since the beginning of this debacle, piped up. "We don't have to share rooms do we?"

A sick smile creeped across the Head Producer's face. "Not only that, you'll all be sharing a bed."

"You are a sickeningly cruel man, you know that?" Meiko just glared at him as she spat venom.

"You all have given me more ulcers, headaches, and stress than I can humanly deal with. I deserve some retribution. Now shut up and get in the motel. Now."

The Vocaloids filed into the motel, only to have their expectations thoroughly met. It was dingy, poorly lit, and smelled of...

"This place smells like piss, weed, and... rape." Dell said out loud as he and Haku entered their room, which they were being forced to share with Len and the ever cheery Neru.

The room itself was filthy; the beds looked like they had been part of a murder scene, the drapes were ripped, the window clouded with filth, and a roach scurried into a hole in the wall.

Neru took one look at the place, turned around, and laughed a little. "Hahahahaha! Fuck this! I've got thousands in the bank. I'm gonna go rent a REAL hotel room for the night."

Raising her hand slightly, the much more shy Haku opened her mouth to speak. "Um, the boss put a freeze on our accounts… we have no money. He also shut off service to our phones."

"He… what…?" Neru could barely move.

"He turned off our phones, moron. Get it through your thick skull." Dell was blunt in his analysis of the situation. He had a tendency to that a little too often…

"Well then, time to kill I suppose. I've been preparing for the day that jackass did something like this." Neru pulled out her phone and dialed in a number. Suddenly a large knife popped out of her phone.

"Woah, there, Neru, let's not be so excessive. Are you sure you can't just go ask-" Len did his best to calm her down, but he was cut off by Neru giving him the glare of a killer.

"I WILL DESTROY THAT MUTATED GOAT OF A PERSON!" She started for the door but felt a sharp sting in her left arm. She glanced over her shoulder before she fell unconscious to see Dell shooting a sedative into her.

"That should keep her down for a while. Besides, if anyone's gonna get that bastard, it'll be ME." Dell grinned.

Len looked at him in horror. "Jesus, Dell, wasn't that a bit excessive?"

Meanwhile, in a room down the hall, Miku and Luka were being tormented by Rin and Teto whom they had to share a room with.

"This needs to end, I'm gonna kill these two with a fish hook." Luka was at the end of her rope, and Miku was getting there as well.

As much torture as they all endured, one thing had kept them all from going over the edge. Each one had been planning a way to take their vengeance, and a certain pair of twins had come up with something good…

-End Chapter 2-

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Thanks for reading everyone! Chapter 3 is well on it's way! Please R&R, it keeps the creativity flowin'!**


End file.
